I have no service. I haven’t had any cell phones since last night. When I exported data from my iPhone 13 Pro Max to my new iPhone 14 Pro Max.
But it gets worse.
No, it couldn’t be worse than that. In a world where you only have one phone line, and my cell is mine, I live in the pre-Alexander Graham Bell era!
Dark and dark as Jesse Colin Young sings.
Yes, I get a new iPhone every year. I can rationalize it. Because it’s the most used device I own, more than my Macs, more than my car, so I’m treating myself, pushing through the nose for a try, full retail.
And I get my iPhone through Apple, because the transaction is smooth. I want to do everything online, because there are no mistakes on the Internet!
But, to satiate the eastern coasters, the iPhone will be on sale at 5 am, and I won’t get up early to order, so the iPhone always comes late, and it came yesterday.
I wasn’t going to set it up. I remember the old days, when there were computer issues, before OS X. You could spend the whole night trying to get your hardware or software to work, and sometimes you find out it wasn’t your fault, there was a system error.
But with 2022, I decided to take a risk.
Failed. Activation and transfer. This has never happened before. I had to reset the damn phone and start over.
But the second time it worked, even …
The new phone has been broken!
Well, it had a blank screen, dark black, and I was afraid to touch it, for fear of spoiling the transfer.
But coming 2022, knowing that calling tech support is just a waste of time, I did my own research, and discovered it was an admittedly wrong. what or what???
Apple just said to force quit and restart. I mean why wasn’t this announced more?
So I thought I was home for free. But then I tried to send a message and…
will not pass. And that’s weird, I mean I have Wi-Fi.
I couldn’t figure out what was wrong.
And then I couldn’t make any calls either.
And I’m doing research on my iPad, and I’m going through all the prompts. I turned Airplane mode off and on, reset network settings, restarted a billion times, and absolutely nothing worked.
And then I saw Om Malik’s tweet that he had spent four hours on the phone with Verizon with the same problem, but it was too late to talk to anyone on Verizon other than the chatbot, which is made for idiots. Did you plug it in, did you charge it? So I continued experimenting.
Maybe it was the range of cells. So I got in my car at 11pm and drove to Whole Foods parking lot…Nada.
Now unlike the old days, when you transfer data from one iPhone to another, it now kills the other iPhone. So I couldn’t use the iPhone 13 Pro Max either.
But in the morning…
But I had a busy day. Even worse, a follow-up phone call to my doctor brought back my annual medical exam. I ended up using Felice’s iPhone, an old #7, and there was a problem, but I got over it.
Then I called Apple.
I have India. Or at least someone with an Indian accent. Heavy Indian accent. This was an advantage for Apple, it got Anglo-American. And I’m not saying that Indians don’t know technology, but I’m saying that a lot of these people I can’t understand!
And this woman made me do the same damn things I’ve already done so many times, I knew more about the damn phone than I did and that’s one of the reasons I don’t call tech support. You have to waste all that time talking to someone who assumes you are a ninkomopop, who doesn’t know much to begin with, waiting to be pushed upstairs to a top tech.
But this woman said to call Verizon, and think of Om text, she did.
And I spent nearly an hour with someone going through the same damned “fixes” I had the night before for two hours. Finally this guy kicked me upstairs.
And for the next hour the expert technician couldn’t fix my damn phone either. He even put me on hold and called Apple. He left me by saying he kicked the case to the high-tech team, gave me a case number, and told me he’d call me back tonight. But when I pushed him he said hopefully tonight. Then he said sometime tomorrow.
In fact, I have a letter. But I have to go to someone’s house tomorrow, a place I’ve never been, and I guess I’ll have to print a map like in the days of MapQuest.
So I decided to email Om. This is what he said:
“Sorry to hear you’re having the same problems as me. It took them a whole day to figure out that it was a real mistake and that it was on Verizon’s side. This is a much bigger problem than they admit.
For example, a PR guy who called me later sent me a long email. This is the part that told me they were lying: “Your escalation helped identify a provisioning anomaly that affected a small number of customer activations. We quickly identified and resolved the issue.
This is public relations speaking at its best. By the time he answered, I had done what I needed to do.
I simply decided that this was enough and switched to TMobile. It took 30 minutes to switch and 30 seconds to use the eSIM to power my number. It was as smooth as Apple wanted it to be.
I have two lines on TMobile and pay $90 for Magenta Max 55+ for everything unlimited. I was paying about $170 a month for Verizon. The entire Quality Network worked 25 years ago, but now it’s just a hoax.
If TMobile coverage is fine where you live or Aspen (where you seem to go a lot), switch. In fact, you get a real 5 grams. I get 400mbps on my phone.
Enough with Verizon and they are harsh fees! TMobile is not perfect but god damn, it’s cheap and it’s neither nickel nor dime for you.
Note: I may hate them in a few weeks, but now I’m glad Verizon isn’t a part of my life.”
If you don’t know the mother of Malik, search google for him, he is a player. Like that old song, he had no time for pain.
So what are the odds of Verizon’s top tech coming back to me with a solution? Maybe zero!
What’s the next step, driving to an Apple Store to waste hours and never get a solution?
Or a Verizon Wireless store run by dolls?
I’m not about to switch to T-Mobile, but I’ll be honest, I just looked into it. Speeds are great due to spectrum issues. Verizon has bought a spectrum that allows for higher speeds, it just doesn’t go far and doesn’t go through walls and there’s not much of it anyway. But, when you get into it, T-Mobile still has spotty rural service, check this out: https://bit.ly/3yfXcGa
And I don’t really care about the price. I will pay extra for the best. But if I have no service at all?
So, I turned to Twitter for Verizon. Needless to say, I received no response.
So I’m writing this. Because this is my only means of communication and email.
I did not get service!
When the internet goes off in the office, everyone goes home.
But I’m already at home, where am I supposed to go?
I don’t have a clue.
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